For the past few days I’ve been in a celebratory mood .My blood levels have been saturated with an infinite amount of Biryani following Eid & over the last few days I have been self indulgent gorging my luscious taste buds on the wonderfully delicious plethora of sweetmeats and savories that I must endure because of God Ganesha’s Happy Birthday!!! Despite my Diabetes problem I have taken it upon myself to finish an abundant supply of Ladoos,Modaks,Burfis,Kheer and every other sugar based food item the Indian civilization has produced all in an effort to please God Ganesha. Afterall I look like him!
I’ve also celebrated by updating my extremely rare and priceless collection of Ganesha statues. For the Ganesh festival I acquired the ancient, unique and magnificent GXQKMI789 model Ganesha statue. There are only 2 statues of this particular Ganesha and I now have one of them. The other is locked away in a sealed compartment guarded by the fiercest security at the mansion of one Rahul Mahajan. Pretty soon I shall steal it at which time I will possess both the GXQKMI789 Ganesha statues leading me and God Ganesha to exalt joyously, simultaneously forcing Rahul Mahajan in a pit of despair.
In the meanwhile an attempt has been made to obstruct cash money that I am by virtue of being the World’s Greatest Investor & The World’s 937th Richest Man entitled to rule over. The man behind this nefarious scheme is Ted Strickland, The Governor of the American State of Ohio who recently made a decision to ban the outsourcing of jobs from Ohio to India.
This development directly concerns me simply because it gets in the way of the currency notes that would have otherwise nestled in the warmth and safety of one of my many cozy bank vaults.
The jobs that are outsourced to India allow Indian companies to make money and when these companies make money, I derive money from them as I invest in some of these companies.
Ted Strickland’s outsourcing ban has gotten in the way of my money and whenever somebody stands in between me and my money, it becomes personal. Like a gangster I will squeeze out every last penny from one who owes me money and chase him to the most solitary corner of the universe and reign the apocalypse down on his ass till he pays .They don’t call me RAKESH BHAI for nothing….right.
In fact if Osama Bin Laden owed me even a single paisa I’d have found him by now and beat his ass black and blue till there would be nothing left of him for the Americans to gather. NEVER EVER STAND IN THE WAY OF A MARWARI’S MONEY LET ALONE RAKESH BHAI’S MONEY.
THE VERY ESSENCE OF MY VERY NAME IS EMBEDDED WITH MONEY. EVERYBODY KNOWS I’M ALL ABOUT KICKING ASS AND MAKING CASH AND I SIMPLY NEVER TIRE OF SAYING IT OR BETTER - DOING IT!
See, I wouldn’t have had a problem with Ted Strickland’s Ohio Outsourcing ban if it were an economic decision. But I know that the bugger has his eyes on the Ohio Mid Term Elections. So in effect this is a political decision.
So if Ted Strickland wants to play politics he’d better get ready. I’m dispatching a special political operative to deal with Strickland. His name is Mulayam Singh Yadav and pretty soon Ohio will be converted into Uttar Pradesh. You wanna play politics, fine! Let’s see how you deal with an Indian politician – especially Mulayam Singh Yadav.
Mulayam Singh Yadav will restore the Indian right to do American jobs at a cheaper rate.
Ted Strickland has powerful friends like Michelle and Barack Obama:
Mulayam Singh has even more powerful friends like Laloo Yadav, Amar Singh, Ram Vilas Paswan and the guy who acted in Munnabhai MBBS.
Ted Strickland studied hard and obtained many degrees from many prestigious universities.
Mulayam Singh Yadav on the other hand said “Screw Studies, I’m riding a cycle to work everyday”
Strickland asks people to vote for him by answering questions, encouraging debates and promoting healthy discussion on government policy.
Mulayam Singh never asks, he commands people to vote for him because if someone does not vote for Mulayam Singh Yadav he sends Samajwadi Party workers to their house and this is what they do to them.
Ted Strickland takes a personal interest in the education of the children of Ohio.
Mulayam Singh never troubles children by telling them to study. Any child’s education is considered complete if he/she learns the Samajwadi Party manifesto by heart.
Strickland thinks he is cool because he wears army clothes.
Mulayam Singh is way cooler because he pimps out in his red hat.
Ted Strickland supports Free Speech and the right to freedom of speech and expression.
Mulayam Singh gives long SPEECHES for FREE across Uttar Pradesh therefore he supports FREE SPEECH even more than Strickland.
Ted Strickland is appreciated by kids and teenagers.
Mulayam Singh is supremely appreciated not only by teenagers and kids who wear Mulayam Singh face masks whenever they bathe as a sign of appreciation but also the entire buffalo population of Uttar Pradesh.
Ted Strickland backs Obama and supports the theme of ‘CHANGE WE NEED’
Mulayam Singh gets change by any means necessary including the begging bowl.
Ted Strickland is a strong advocate of reading.
The only reading Mulayam Singh ever did in his whole life was when he had to read the oath at the Swearing In Ceremony for the Chief Ministership of Uttar Pradesh.
Ted Strickland inspires young children to join politics.
Mulayam Singh inspires his own children like his son Akhilesh Singh Yadav to join politics.
Ted Strickland is an avid supporter of Ohio’s Baseball team – The Cleveland Indians.
Mulayam Singh has awesome MAN-BOOBS. This shows he is an enormous supporter of THE CLEAVAGE-LAND INDIANS.
Moral Of The Story: Uttar Pradesh + Mulayam Singh > Ohio + Ted Strickland