Tuesday, June 2, 2009

The J Times Interviews Hafiz Saeed

My newspaper is slowly gaining readership. Check out this latest article where one of my employees interviewed Hafiz Saeed.


By A Staff Reporter,

New Delhi.

Hafiz Saeed is a delighted man. After spending months in prison he is now a free man thanks to the Lahore High Court. This of course means that the man who was arrested in his home and placed under house arrest now gets to go back home.

Upon hearing this bit of news Hafiz Saeed told this reporter the following: “You know it’s been so difficult to stay at home but now that I am free I can go back home where I have been in the first place but with a burden lifted off my head.”

“Its been so difficult working from home these past few months, now I get to go on field trips and personally get back to teaching my students the art of suicide bombings.”

“I am really unhappy with their performances these past few months; they are simply not blowing up enough buildings and killing enough people. Our fiscal targets have to be reached this year.”

Regarding India Hafiz Saeed had this to say “Yes, we are aware of what is required of the LET and JUD in India. We will be increasing our network of cities. In fact we have put expansion plans on the fast track. This year alone we plan to bomb more than the 20 cities we did last year.”

On being contacted about these statements the congress party’s Shivraj Patil who achieved spectacular success during the 26/11 episode as the then Home Minister exclaimed “I am very happy to hear that Hafiz has been released. Even though I am no longer in the government I assure you that I will personally do all that it takes to make sure that we can create a cordial environment for Hafiz and his jihadi brothers. Just now I have ordered 25 policemen on the Mumbai coastline to become my bodyguards .This will make it easier for the LET cadre to enter India more easily.”

He continued “We also plan to install information kiosks with the latest digital maps to educate terrorists about potential terror targets and are in talks with the Taxi Drivers Union to provide easy access transport to these jihadis. We are also planning to install a new program which gives these terrorists easy pick up and drop facility. Now they can tell the driver where they want to go, blow up that place with bombs and then get back in their vehicle to be dropped off at the LOC where they can return home.”

The J Times also asked Saeed about some of the statements he is supposed to have made which indicate his denial of the individual Ajmal Kasab. Saeed retorted “All Nonsense, I know Kasab personally and this is why I thank The J Times for allowing me to bring my side of the story. All those papers and TV channels saying that I don’t know Kasab are lying. In fact I personally trained him to orchestrate 26/11.”

Asked about how he plans to celebrate,Mr. Saeed said “Yes it is party time but my links with the Taliban don’t allow any half naked girls to dance with, therefore my closest friends and my 45 children from my 7 wives will keep it simple. We plan to roast a goat and drink some herbal alcohol. We also plan to listen to Bappi Lahiri’s newest CD “My Love’.

“I’m just happy to be free and from tomorrow it’s back to work.”

Special Correspondent: Mini-j from Lahore

Images provided by LET’s Information and Media Cell.

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...