In life one encounters strange specimens .Characters so unique that you have to simply sit down and say “DAMN! I can’t believe God had the time to build such a one as this”.
One such character is called SP Tulsian, a market analyst and stock trader who has made more money by being out of the market than in it. He is usually found scaling the walls of business channels simply waiting to give expert advice to people on what to buy and what to sell.
He is the market incarnation of Alyque Padamsee or Suhail Seth ever ready to tell you what you need to do to get rich.
Many people who watch him on CNBC TV18, CNBC Awaaz, Zee Business, UTVi and NDTV have become millionaires.
If you don’t believe me take a look at their testimonials:
“Hi, my name is Ramesh from Kerala. At first I had no money .I was a big fat lazy dickhead, living with my dog Pillai.Then suddenly one day I put on CNBC TV18 and heard SP Tulsian say that those who invest in company X will get rich. Now I have tons of money, a beautiful wife and 2 children. Thanks SP Tulsian.”
And
“Satsriakal Paajis, My name is HAPPY SINGH.I was unhappy because all my market trades were losing money but thanks to SP Tulsian’s advice on business channels I now make a lot of money during my trades. Thank you Tulsian sir. Because of you Happy Singh is unhappy no more.”
If you too want to be like SP Tulsian then answer every single question the way he does. These people asked him and SP Tulsian amazed them with his universal answer to all problems:
“Greetings Mr. Tulsian, you might remember me from random films produced by Mahesh Bhatt. Recently I was accused of raping my maid. I didn’t do it but nobody believes me, what should I do?”
-- Shiny Ahuja
SP Tulsian Answers: I think you should buy RELIANCE because RELIANCE is a good company.
“I’ve been living inside pigs for a while now but of late I’ve also been living within humans. I want to live comfortably in India but have so far only managed to live in 50 people in very few cities. Is there any way I can expand my reach to more people in more Indian cities?”
--H1N1 Swine Flu Virus
SP Tulsian Answers: I think you should buy RELIANCE because RELIANCE is a good company.
“Thank you Mr. Tulsian for taking the time to go through my question. I want to know what I can do to help my team win the Women’s T20 World Cup in England.”
--Sian Ruck, Opening Bowler,
New Zealand Women’s Cricket Team
SP Tulsian Answers: I think you should buy RELIANCE because RELIANCE is a good company.
“Hi I’m currently blowing up stuff in Lalgarh, West Bengal. Do you have any advice to help me increase my level of violence?”
--West Bengal Maoist
SP Tulsian Answers: I think you should buy RELIANCE because RELIANCE is a good company.
“Yeah listen, I have GAS but my brother also wants the same GAS but I don’t want to give him my GAS because it’s my GAS. If he wants GAS he should get his own GAS but unfortunately for me the Court wants me to give my GAS to him but with that both him and I will have GAS and more importantly his GAS and my GAS will be the same GAS, even though it is still technically my GAS. What should I do?”
--Mukesh Ambani
SP Tulsian Answers: I think you should buy RELIANCE because RELIANCE is a good company.
“You jackass, I already own RELIANCE”
--Mukesh Ambani again
SP Tulsian Answers: Yes I understand what you’re saying but I think you should buy RELIANCE because RELIANCE is a good company.
Now all of you can be like SP Tulsian.
P.S: He thinks you should buy RELIANCE because RELIANCE is a good company.
22 COMMENT:
RAKESH BHAIYA. I AM NOT A FOOL TO BUY RELIANCE AS RELIANCE WILL BE AT Rs. 1000/- IN SEP. SO HOLD UR CASH AND KICK THAT JACKASSS TULSIAN TILL THEN
Meet me after 10 years or I shall meet you..Dhood ka jala chaas bhi phuk phuk kar pitaa hain..You do not have any thinking beyond 1 year that's what you call long term.
Fare or unfare it has taken others 150 years what A's have built in 25 years. Millions made millions and they will make more. You seems to have missed the RIL bus and your ego prevents you from catching this one too. No one is bugger than market not even your ego.
Patwa,
Are you Ca.Patwa or normal Patwa?
Anonymous,
I don't drink Doodh.
Anonymous#2,
I have missed the train,yes but that is maybe because both the A's send me their planes.
just when i thought my day was gettin crappy ..your blog cheers me up by throwing light upon the crappiness around me...how does this stuff come to you?..hand stands? yoga? ..booost?...lol..
P.S..hopin to read a satire on the numerous CAT n mBA coachin centres that promise quick fixes n miracle results...
@Yossarian: Not satire but some insights abt the CAT n MBA coaching industry
http://jbharat.blogspot.com/2009/06/selling-education-recession-proof.html
hav fun!!
This is what SP had to say on your post. He told it to CNBC last night..
"Why dont you remember my recommendation on RNRL? Rakesh, mujhe aapse ye ummeed nahin thi..
Dont you remember that I had reccommended RNRL at 180, affirming my belief in the business model of AA?"
And all those recoomendations on buying sugar stocks?
Why is it that Rocky J has such a short memory?"
----S.P.Tulsyan.
Rakesh,
Stop blogging and buy Reliance because Reliance is a good company.
Buy Reliance because Reliance is a good company
Yossarian,
Crappy days are bad,you should make an effort to have crap free days but that will cause problems of a different kind.
Shiv,
I am surprised but he did speak about Reliance because Reliance is a good company.
Sunaath and Abhi,
I have heard that before.Just can't remember where.
great work rakesh .. ur blog does the true analysis of the asses that show up on stupid channels .. the biggest is ashwini gujral eg : if a stock crosses rs 100 then it can go to rs 150. !!!!!
Guess what today Sp tulsian was on Cnbc And he said Buy Reliance because Reliance is a good company :)
Rakesh, your sense of humor in the tense world of stocks is commendable
Forget SP, what do you think about the style guru Ashwini Gujral. You have to write about his scrafs and shiney disco shirts.
Well what about Rakesh your comments of Sensex at 50k.. You too have misguided and got carried away. You didnt buy Infosys becoz u thot it was a BAD COMPANY and BAD SECTOR . You are only good at pikcing up ten baggers and more.We love you ,admire yiu and loyally buy what you buy. The moment mkt says u bot this or sold this we ape that and we make money.Let it be so, dont follow what happens on Biz channels.. Now we have another clown channel.. ET NOW.. every bit of crap they telecast is always a breaking story and they are the first. Let them be stupid. You dont need to be busy with them, however the anchorbabes are not to be missed at all. Btw, come out with more tips, I am hungry.
do you like MUNDRA PORTS??
Chinaman
Sir,came to know of your blog only today..loved it and too humourous especially the "buy reliance because ...."but i would like to know your opinion on this scrip called Golden tobacco recommended by SP Tulsian.He says the current market cap is less than 150 cr and it is way below the market value of its vile parle property of RS.2000 crores.your comments would be appreciated..
YOU ARE A SICK MAN, Mr. JHUNJHUNWALLA! MAYBE, GO AND SEE A PSYCHIATRIST. IT WILL HELP! SHOWS ON YOUR EYES AND FACE!
Hi Rakesh.. you any how do not say or teach others what you do in stock market. SP Tusian is helping those small retail investors. Istead of being good at him you look like jealous of him for making others learn how to invest smartly. Truly your inside jealous man has come out in true colors Rakesh bhai..
i know reliance is a good company, but is it still a good company ??
The owner of this blog is an asshole.
i believe reliance is a good company but right now its not a good performer
RAKESH JI, I V SEEN UR INTERVIEW IN CNBCTV DURING DIWALI N I CAME TO KNOW THAT U R OVERCONFIDENT N OVERJEALOUS. REMEMBER IF TITANIC CAN SINK, THEN YOU ARE NO WHERE STAND. AMIN....
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