In life one encounters strange specimens .Characters so unique that you have to simply sit down and say “DAMN! I can’t believe God had the time to build such a one as this”.
One such character is called SP Tulsian, a market analyst and stock trader who has made more money by being out of the market than in it. He is usually found scaling the walls of business channels simply waiting to give expert advice to people on what to buy and what to sell.
He is the market incarnation of Alyque Padamsee or Suhail Seth ever ready to tell you what you need to do to get rich.
Many people who watch him on CNBC TV18, CNBC Awaaz, Zee Business, UTVi and NDTV have become millionaires.
If you don’t believe me take a look at their testimonials:
“Hi, my name is Ramesh from Kerala. At first I had no money .I was a big fat lazy dickhead, living with my dog Pillai.Then suddenly one day I put on CNBC TV18 and heard SP Tulsian say that those who invest in company X will get rich. Now I have tons of money, a beautiful wife and 2 children. Thanks SP Tulsian.”
And
“Satsriakal Paajis, My name is HAPPY SINGH.I was unhappy because all my market trades were losing money but thanks to SP Tulsian’s advice on business channels I now make a lot of money during my trades. Thank you Tulsian sir. Because of you Happy Singh is unhappy no more.”
If you too want to be like SP Tulsian then answer every single question the way he does. These people asked him and SP Tulsian amazed them with his universal answer to all problems:
“Greetings Mr. Tulsian, you might remember me from random films produced by Mahesh Bhatt. Recently I was accused of raping my maid. I didn’t do it but nobody believes me, what should I do?”
-- Shiny Ahuja
SP Tulsian Answers: I think you should buy RELIANCE because RELIANCE is a good company.
“I’ve been living inside pigs for a while now but of late I’ve also been living within humans. I want to live comfortably in India but have so far only managed to live in 50 people in very few cities. Is there any way I can expand my reach to more people in more Indian cities?”
--H1N1 Swine Flu Virus
SP Tulsian Answers: I think you should buy RELIANCE because RELIANCE is a good company.
“Thank you Mr. Tulsian for taking the time to go through my question. I want to know what I can do to help my team win the Women’s T20 World Cup in England.”
--Sian Ruck, Opening Bowler,
New Zealand Women’s Cricket Team
SP Tulsian Answers: I think you should buy RELIANCE because RELIANCE is a good company.
“Hi I’m currently blowing up stuff in Lalgarh, West Bengal. Do you have any advice to help me increase my level of violence?”
--West Bengal Maoist
SP Tulsian Answers: I think you should buy RELIANCE because RELIANCE is a good company.
“Yeah listen, I have GAS but my brother also wants the same GAS but I don’t want to give him my GAS because it’s my GAS. If he wants GAS he should get his own GAS but unfortunately for me the Court wants me to give my GAS to him but with that both him and I will have GAS and more importantly his GAS and my GAS will be the same GAS, even though it is still technically my GAS. What should I do?”
--Mukesh Ambani
SP Tulsian Answers: I think you should buy RELIANCE because RELIANCE is a good company.
“You jackass, I already own RELIANCE”
--Mukesh Ambani again
SP Tulsian Answers: Yes I understand what you’re saying but I think you should buy RELIANCE because RELIANCE is a good company.
Now all of you can be like SP Tulsian.
P.S: He thinks you should buy RELIANCE because RELIANCE is a good company.
