As many of you know India will host its first ever F1 Grand
Prix in Delhi next month. Of course any event held in India no matter how
important worldwide has to pass the indigenous Indian procedure. The F1 Grand Prix
is no different. These buggers are running into trouble with the Customs Department.
But a few days ago, they ran into similar trouble with the
Police Department. You see, in order to race in India you need to get Police
approval first. So the Organizers of the Indian GrandPrix, Jaypee Sports International
(JPSI) sent their MD Sameer Gaur to get permission from the Police Department
along with F1 Driver for the Red Bull team, Sebastian Vettel .
Unfortunately for them they ran into a good friend of mine, Head Constable Satish Tawade who was till recently posted in Ghatkopar. Of course now he has been transferred to Delhi and when the F1 people met Tawade, this is what happened:
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Gaur : Sir ,Hum aapse milne aaye hain
Tawade : Accha,mein
samjha ki aap chor hain
Gaur : Huh? Woh
kyun Sir?
Tawade : Kyunki
yeh Police Station hain. Yahan Sirf Chor ya Police aate hain. Aap toh Police
hain nahin,toh mene samjha ki aap chor hain
Gaur : Hahaha!
Kya joke karte hain Sir aap bhi,you have wonderful sense of humor
Tawade : ….Sense
of kya?....chal chod…nonsense!! Yahan pe kai ko aaya? FIR likhwana hai kya?
Gaur: Nahin,nahin,Sir,hum
permission chahte hain. We want permission
Tawade : Kiskeliye
permission? Tera beta ka shaadi hai ?
Gaur: Nahin,nahin
Sir! Asal mein hum agle mahine Delhi mein F1 race karna chahte hain,issliye
thoda permission mila toh….
Tawade : F1? Yeh kya
F1? School mein tera section kya,F1? Eh?
Gaur: No,no,Sir.F1
maane grand prix,car racing ,Woh
Tawade : Accha.Toh
tu car racing karna chahta hai aur isliye permission mangta?
Gaur: Absolutely Sir,haan
Sir,bilkul
Tawade : Hmmm….Yeh
angrez tere saath hai woh kaun hai?
Gaur: Sir,yeh hai
ek F1 ….err….car racing ka driver.Yeh bhi race karenge.Yeh Germany desh ke hain
aur aapse milne aaye hain toh aap please permission deh dijiye na Sir!
Tawade (points to
Vettel) : Tera naam kya hai re? What is your name?
Tawade : Eh!
Vittal? Vittal! Aila mein toh samjha ki tu angrez hain,lekin tu toh Maharashtra
ka nikla.Very good! Jai Maharashtra!!
Gaur: Sir,Sir!
Iska naam vittal nahin Vettel hai aur yeh Maharashtra se nahin,Germany se hi hain . Wahan
pe Vettel naam rakhte hain
Tawade : Uhhh…Haan
hoga hoga,ab tu bol,yahan Delhi mein tu kyun race karna chahta hain?
Gaur: Sir,yeh
event hai,matlab competition,bahut driver iski tarah aayenge aur race karenge,aur
joh race jeetega usse prize milega.Log bhi dekhenge. Isse desh ka naam
badhega,economy aage badhega…
Tawade : Aisa
kya…hmmm
(points to Vettel again)
Tu India
mein hi kyun race karna chahta hain? Sirf yahin jagah mila kya? Tere desh mein
road nahin hai kya? Wahan pe jaake karna F1 race! Yahan pe aake humko kyun tang
karta hai?
Vettel : I don’t
understand what you are saying,I don’t know Hindi..
Tawade : I
saying….why you want to do the race in India?
Vettel : Because F1
loves India and India loves F1.Indian fans are the best yeah!
Tawade ( Points at Vettel): Yeh kya bol raha hai?
Gaur: Sir,yeh
kehe raha hai ki Bharat mein racing ko yeh badhana chahte hain,yahaan pe yeh
sport famous karna chahte hain…
Tawade : That
teri!! Yeh kaisa sport hai? Racing,chee!
Tawade (Points to
Vettel ) : Why you want to do
racing? You play Cricket no like normal log? IPL,IPL dekha tune? You have seen IPL?
Cricket, very nice
Gaur: Sir ,Yeh
cricket nahin khel sakta,yeh F1 driver hai,F1. Race car driver…
Tawade : Yeh kya
re F1! F1,F1 karke laga hain tab se!!! Saala…..F1 tere baap ki….
Tawade(Looks at
Vettel) : So you are driver,Yes?
Vettel : Yeah,I
drive for Red Bull
Tawade : You know
Ganpat?
Vettel : Gun…who?...sorry!
Ganpat,Ganpat! He also driver like you.He is my aunty son.He
also do the driving for the Utpal Garments. You know him? He here only near
Qutub Minar
Vettel : Err…eh….errr…
sorry,I don’t know him!
Tawade : Yes,yes.
He very good driver. Say if you want job you tell me ..Uh. I know one Sethji
who want driver. 6000 salary OK for you?
Gaur: Sir! Sir! Yeh aisa waisa driver nahin hain…..
Tawade : Toh
kaisa driver hai saala! Bus chalata hai kya?
Gaur: Nahin,nahin
Sir.Yeh race karta hai na,race car driver hai
Tawade : Accha,accha
Gaur: Haan Sir. Iski tarah sab driver race
karenge. Isme bharat ka bhi ek F1 team hai,aap ne suna hoga, Force
India, Woh bhi bhaag lega race mein. Team malik ko toh aap jaante hi
honge,Vijay Mallya Sahab…
Tawade : Kaun,woh
daaru bechne waala? !
Gaur: Ha!Ha! wohi,wohi,UB Group ke head Vijay Mallya
Tawade : Dekho, yeh Mallya daaru bhejta hai aur aap bol
rahe ho ki uska hi driver race mein gaadi chalayega. Peeke toh gaadi chalayega
toh nahin?!!!
Gaur: Ha! Nahin Sir.
Woh professional hai,bilkul peeke drive nahin karega
Tawade : Eh!
Hasna mat huh! Ek drunk driving ka case lagaa doo na,saala Mallya aur driver
dono ko lockup ke andar karke aisa maroonga ki jab bhi toilet jaayega itna pain
feel karega ke racing ka bhoot poori tarah se neeche utar ke aa jayega….kya?
Gaur: Nahin,Nahin,Sir,mein Sirf bata raha tha ki yeh
sab nahin hoga. Koi bhi peekar drive nahin karega
Tawade : Hmmm…
[Points to Vettel]
Oye Vittal,license
hai kya tere paas? Chal apna license nikaal
Vettel : Excuse
me,My license?!!
Tawade : Yes license,Driver License,you have,show me
Vettel : No,I left my license at the hotel,I don’t have
it with me now…
Tawade : Saala …haraami….dushman ki aulad…. How I can
give permission if you don’t have license?!!! Eh! Bewakoof kahika!!
Gaur: Sir,Sir,license
hum laa denge na. Abhi bhijwadeta hoon
Tawade : Chalo,gaadi
ka emission test certificate dikhao
Vettel : Emission Whaa?
Gaur: Sir,yeh aisa waisa gaadi nahin hai,yeh race
car hai, Ferrari ka ,Red bull ka, aisa, Iska emission test ab tak nahi hua
Tawade : Paagal ho gaya hai kya? License nahin,Emission
certificate nahin, Permission kaise du? Yeh Chori ki gaadi toh nahin?
Gaur: Nahin,nahin Sir! Bilkul nahin,factory ka gaadi
hai. Sir aap thoda wait karenge toh license,emission aur saare documents aapke
saamne rakh doonga.Bas ek ghanta dijiye…
Tawade : Chalo,theek hai.Tu mujhe pasand aaya.Issliye
ek ghanta diya.Kyun re Vittal?
Vettel : uh..uh
Gaur: Sir,aur bhi car honge,unke liye hum sab thoda le-dekar
yahin adjust kar le toh…
Tawade : hmmm
Gaur: Maane,matlab,thoda Chai Paani,Mithai, Paisa…
Tawade : Arre! Yeh toh pehle hi bol deta naa! Phir Race
Car ka Kya Plane racing ka bhi permission de dete hum!!! Hahah!
Gaur: Ha! Correct Sir,hamari galti!
Gaur: Mein
abhi ke abhi mere assistant se briefcase bhijwata hoon..
Tawade : Haan,theek hai. Chalo permission diya tujhko.
Gaur: Yay! Yay! Shukriya Sir. Bahut shukriya!
Tawade : Haan,kyun re Vittal? Khush kya ab?
Gaur: He is asking if you are happy because he has
given the permission
Vettel : Oh yes! Very much. Thank you! Please come and
watch the race on 30th October at NOIDA
Tawade : Yes,Yes
Gaur: Sir, Race dekh rahein hai na?
Tawade : Arre!
Hum toh race already dekh chuke hain. Lekin aap kehen rahein hai toh ek aur baar
dekh lenge. Mast picture hai! RACE!!
