[ This post was originally written for the Hindustan Times and appeared on the HT Brunch site on September 21,2011 ]
Who am I? Why am I here? Does intelligent
alien life really exist? These are some of the questions which run through the
mind at a philosophical level. Luckily for you none of these questions are
answered below. Instead more important questions have been answered with
amazingly freaky wisdom. Check it out!
Q:
Sometimes when I blog people troll me with unwanted moronic comments. What
should I do?
A: You should find out where
these people live and then go and kill them.
Q: Why did
the Chicken cross the road?
A: Concerning yourself with
the motives of poultry animals and other livestock as regards to their actions
upon them encountering open cemented tar ways used for travel and transport
will not help you. Focus on your career instead.
Q: I want
to lose weight quickly, how do I do this?
A: Cut off your hands and legs
. This will 100% cause you to drop a few kgs rightaway.
Q: What is
an appropriate time in my life to buy a big plastic sheet?
A: You should buy a plastic
sheet when you decide to lose weight and hence cut off your arms and legs. This
will cause blood to fall all over the floor.Having a plastic sheet spread out
makes cleaning easier.
Q: Who is
Shruti Singh Bhatnagar?
A: I don't know. Go to Google
and find out.
Q: Why do
you read books when there is free TV around?
A: I like looking at page
numbers.
Q: I'm an
obnoxious little Shithead who likes to sometimes dress like a two dollar whore.
What is the right way to take advantage of this?
A: You should consider a
career in Reality TV
Q: Does
playing Angry Birds on my iPhone all the time make me a Bird Brain?
A: No, the iPhone was invented
for the purpose of playing Angry Birds. Not playing it on your iPhone would
make you a Bird Brain.
