Opinions are what people do to you when you talk to them. If you do it on TV you’re called an ‘EXPERT’, if you do it in the newspaper ‘A Columnist’ and if you do it in the BJP you are called a ‘Yashwant Sinha’.
Over the past few days people have heard things. When they heard these things they opinionated and created a truer picture of the Milky Way galaxy. Too bad they didn’t get paid to do it.
On hearing that the Bandra Worli Sea Link has been completed:
A Lashkar- E- Toiba terrorist opined: “WOW it’s wonderful, I knew that Shivraj Patil would come through on his promise. Thanks to his efforts the Congress has completed the Sea Link.
Now ,hard working Lashkar Mujahideen can save 35 minutes while travelling from Bandra to Worli to blow things up.
We will now use the Sea Link to blow up Bandra or Worli or the Sea Link itself or all three and save 40 minutes doing so. There is a problem with the toll fee but thanks to the ISI’s help in printing fake currency our toll arrangements are also taken care of. Long live Shivraj Patil.Jai Maharashtra!”
On hearing that the government is thinking of scrapping section 377 of the IPC:
One gay man said this on 28 June:
“Veerappa Moily is the new gay icon of India!!He’s so sexy with his paunch and bulbous nose!!! His white hair so beautifully almost covers his iconic bald spot!!!!!!!!!We the gays want to show our appreciation by launching our own brand of Veerappa Moily merchandise including the ‘I love Veerappa Moily!!!!!!!!!’ t-shirts, hats ,water bottles and cricket bats!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The same gay man said this on 29 June, when Moily wanted to reconsider the scrapping:
“Veerappa Moily has really made me sad!!!If I was not gay I’d probably beat him up but as a proud gay man I won’t resort to violence!!!!I’ll just tell Karan Johar and he’ll make a film about Veerappa Moily and his internal struggle with section 377!!!!!!!!!!!!That’ll really hurt his feelings and the gays will be exhilarated!!!!!!!!!!!!You got that darling!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
Retired justice Liberhan on the Babri Masjid demolition report:
“See I’m an old man. I know that it’s only 700 pages but it has taken 17 years to get this done because I personally wrote one page a day.
That took only two years but for the remaining fifteen years I was checking and rechecking the document to see if there were any spelling mistakes. That’s why it’s taken 17 years.
In the middle I was on leave because I got chicken pox and recently I couldn’t get it done because I was nurturing my dream of playing for the Indian men’s Volleyball team”
“Come to think of it, I did manage to stretch this two month assignment to seventeen years and also got paid for seventeen years. Wow! I’m a genius. I wonder if Rakeshji Jhunjhunwalaji will help me invest all the money I’ve earned in the past 17 years.”
Montek Singh Ahluwalia on what comes after number 1293983:
Before applying Montynalysis : “The economy’s demand has shown a divulgatory roadmap for global expansion through what we believe will be India’s example of inclusive activising that has resulted from the global consciousness of inflatory methods. ”
After applying Montynalysis “I suck ass. Did anyone just understand all that I just said? ”
“Bloody hell, I can’t believe I came all the way by plane from Delhi to cut a stupid ribbon. Its worse that I had to stand next to Ashok Chavan, Sushil Shinde, Vilasrao Deshmukh and Bulldog Face Chhagan.”
One of them even FARTED. I think it was Vilasrao.”