My heart is filled with joy. Well it’s actually filled with blood but if I were to designate the heart as an organ within the human body that were to denote the feeling of love and unbound happiness then I would consequently say that joy is the overwhelming emotion that fills my heart (even though in reality my heart is filled with blood and not joy).In fact it is not possible to fill the heart with joy unless someone were to surgically remove the heart and place the letters ‘J’,’O’ and ‘Y’ in exactly that order. Even then the heart will be filled with the name of the word that indicates joy and not the feeling of joy.
Therefore Yash chopra has learnt two important lessons today:
a)His face resembles the face of Spiderman.
b)It is impossible to fill the heart with joy therefore stop saying the same damn thing in your lame ass movies over and over again you PENCIL HEADED BALD FREAK.
When I first heard this bit of news I decided to celebrate. Immediately I put on my most expensive white shirt and pair of grey trousers and danced to the hit Tamil song Manmatha Rasa.Check it out:
But that’s when it hit me. Shankar Sharma is once again messing with me.
As a bear he does not want to spend a single rupee of his clients' hard earned cash in this stock market. Not at a time when the Americans are calling it a recession.
He simply wants to save all his money and start investing a year later when the markets will be much better.
That’s the reason why he got himself banned by the SEBI for one whole year, the stupid shit.
During this one year he’ll take a holiday and spend his millions(I have billions)vacationing in the West Indies with his wife CRAZY KUNG FU HAIR LADY and make ‘guest appearances’ on CNBC-TV18.
It’s a superb plan and it will work if not for me.
I’m going to make sure that Shankar Sharma is DE-BANNED by SEBI and that he gets back to making ridiculous stock picks immediately.
What he doesn’t realize is that Great Bulls (like me) need to kick the asses of bears (like him) so that the rest of the world knows why the bulls are great, more importantly why I’m great.
Shankar Sharma is my complete opposite except he’s less sexy than me, less intelligent and poorer than me.
I’m like BATMAN and he’s the JOKER. I’m Mulayam Singh and he’s my Mayawati. I’m Sachin Tendulkar and he’s Shane Warne. I’m Harbhajan and he’s Andrew Symonds.
I’m INDIAN IDOL and he’s AMUL ‘STAR VOICE OF INDIA’.
Life for me is complete only with my AMUL STAR VOICE OF INDIA.
I need my ‘Star Voice of India’.I’m going to make sure that SEBI removes his ban immediately.
At the end of the day the only guy allowed to ban Shankar Sharma is ME.
Vijay Mallya is popularly known as Dr.Vijay Mallya. Vijay Mallya is not a real doctor but his contribution towards the field of medicine is immense. Vijay Mallya as many know is the owner of United Breweries whose most recognizable brand is Kingfisher also known as “Ooh La La La La La Lo Eh Oh,Ooh La La La La Ley Oh”.
Vijay Mallya’s contribution to world medicine is so huge that the doctors of the world gave him the title of ‘Doctor’ because if people did not Drink liquor from the UB Group they would not develop all kinds of health problems like liver failure, kidney failure, something else failure,etc.
Vijay Mallya has done more for doctors than health minister Anbumani Ramadoss. This is why the doctors gave Vijay the title of ‘Doctor’ and now people call him Dr.Vijay Mallya.
Half of this country’s doctors have a job in this time of recession because sad people like HDFC Sad Boy are drinking themselves to death by consuming UB Group liquor. As the recession gets worse more people will feel sad and will start consuming UB Group liquor.
They will be given the honorary title of ‘BEWDA’ and all the BEWDAS will have health problems. In time the number of BEWDAS will outnumber the number of doctors thus more doctors will be hired to treat sick BEWDAS.
Vijay Mallya must be thanked by the Indian health establishment because his UB Group has created so many jobs for doctors. Thanks to Vijay, doctors can make money in the recession.
Vijay Mallya is himself dealing with the recession by implementing cost cutting measures.
One popular cost cutting measure is making swimsuit calendars. Like low cost Kingfisher Airlines , Vijay Mallya’s swimsuit calendars are low cost calendars.
The models in Kingfisher’s swimsuit calendars are models-therefore they don’t eat and since they don’t eat they save on food. The models being swimsuit models also wear very less clothing and thus Vijay Mallya saves money on clothing costs as well. Just take a look at this picture of model Tamara Moss in the 2009 kingfisher swimsuit calendar. A perfect example of a girl who saves money by not eating and wearing very little.
Some people are arguing that fake doctor Vijay Mallya is wasting money in the recession by signing Kevin Pietersen for $1.55 million to play for his IPL team ‘Bangalore Royal Challengers’.
What people fail to understand is that Kevin will not only play cricket but also dance in the video featuring the remixed version of the chart topping #1 block buster hit song ‘Royal Challengers Ka Josh Hain’. That way Vijay Mallya makes money by selling the music video to Mtv and Channel V.
Whether Bangalore’s Royal Challengers win or don’t win the IPL, Vijay Mallya will definitely win.
This is because apart from signing Kevin Pietersen he also signed New Zealand batsman Jesse Ryder.
Jesse Ryder for those who don’t know is an alcohol addict. Isn’t it therefore ironic that out of eight teams that are a part of the IPL, the only team that signs Jesse Ryder is the team which is owned by the chairman of United Breweries?
Jesse Ryder is Fake Doctor Vijay Mallya’s answer to the recession.
Sometimes film actors get married and produce children. Anil Kapoor also did this and he produced a daughter called Sonam Kapoor.Sonam Kapoor is now a film actor. In future she will get married and she will produce children. Her children will grow up and become actors. They will get married and produce children. Those children will become film actors and they will get married and produce more children who will become film actors who will get married and produce more children who will become film actors….
Anil Kapoor’s marriage and ability to produce children is a long term investment, it just keeps on growing. His life is therefore of paramount interest to a long term investor like myself.
Sonam Kapoor is a strong Indian Woman. She is from India’s younger generation.
This is the generation that is rebellious and is sponsored by Pepsi. It’s a generation that is currently fighting for its own country called Youngistaan.
Sonam Kapoor is not only a film actor but social activist as well. She is an ardent supporter of women’s rights. As a member of the younger generation she does things differently. She cannot stand the abuse of women.
Just recently in Mangalore a man called Pramod Muthalik who has very little hair on his head told his followers to go to a pub and steal liquor but those guys were interrupted by some girls .They got angry and beat up those girls.
The girls were sad, so they went and complained to women’s rights supporter Sonam Kapoor.
Sonam Kapoor decided to do something about it. She decided to protest against this in her own way. Her heart was bleeding at the sight of the women who were beaten up by Pramod Muthalik’s men.
Sonam Kapoor decided to activise.She kidnapped a white pigeon and put the pigeon on her head and then she started singing a song called MASAKALI.To this song she performed the ancient Indian dance of KATHAKALI.
By singing masakali and doing Kathakali with a pigeon on her head she has shown the country that women’s rights are important. Sonam Kapoor has also shown that the citizens of India can protest against things that require protesting not by lighting candles and marching from Point A to Point B with banners but dancing with pigeons on our heads.
Because only if we dance with pigeons on our heads can justice be achieved and can we truly be called PIGEONHEADS.
Somebody who wants to be a PIGEON HEAD is NDTV journalist Barkha Dutt.
There is a man sitting in the Netherlands called Chyetanya Kunte who writes a blog. On this blog he wrote something about Barkha Dutt. Barkha Dutt got angry after reading what Kunte wrote and decided to put pressure on Kunte to withdraw his post.Kunte withdrew the post and apologized to Barkha.
Now I don’t understand this .Barkha Dutt is the same woman who keeps shouting “Freedom Of Speech And Expression” and “The Government Does Not Have The Right To Censor People”.
So when Barkha writes something anti-government and uses words like ‘liberal’ and ‘self regulation’ she gets a Padmashri but when Kunte writes something similar he gets threatened by NDTV’s lawyers !!
The thing is that just because Kunte withdrew his post because of Barkha pressure, doesn’t mean the rest of the world can’t see what he actually wrote. Barkha can pressure Kunte but not me; I’m the world’s 1062nd richest man. I can crack NDTV in 1 single trading session if I want.
Therefore this humble stock broker will now show the world the very document suppressed by Barkha Dutt and her lawyers:
“Shoddyjournalism
Date: Thursday, 27 Nov 2008 20:39
Appalling journalism. Absolute blasphemy! As I watch the news from home, I am dumbfounded to see Barkha Dutt of NDTV break every rule of ethical journalism in reporting the Mumbai mayhem. Take a couple of instances for example:
In one instance she asks a husband about his wife being stuck, or held as a hostage. The poor guy adds in the end about where she was last hiding. Aired! My dear friends with AK-47s, our national news is helping you. Go get those still in. And be sure to thank NDTV for not censoring this bit of information.
In another instance, a General sort of suggests that there were no hostages in Oberoi Trident. (Clever.) Then, our heroine of revelations calls the head of Oberoi, and the idiot confirms a possibility of 100 or more people still in the building. Hello! Guys with guns, you’ve got more goats to slay. But before you do, you’ve got to love NDTV and more precisely Ms. Dutt. She’s your official intelligence from Ground zero.
You do not need to be a journalist to understand the basic premise of ethics, which starts with protecting victims first; and that is done by avoiding key information from being aired publicly—such as but not limited to revealing the number of possible people still in, the hideouts of hostages and people stuck in buildings.
Imagine you’re one of those sorry souls holed-up in one of those bathrooms, or kitchens. A journalist pulls your kin outside and asks about your last contact on national television, and other prying details. In a bout of emotion, if they happen to reveal more details, you are sure going to hell. Remember these are hotels, where in all likelihood, every room has a television. All a terrorist needs to do is listen to Ms. Barkha Dutt’s latest achievement of extracting information from your relative, based on your last phone-call or SMS. And you’re shafted—courtesy NDTV.1
If the terrorists don’t manage to shove you in to your private hell, the journalists on national television will certainly help you get there. One of the criticisms about Barkha Dutt on Wikipedia reads thus:
During the Kargil conflict, Indian Army sources repeatedly complained to her channel that she was giving away locations in her broadcasts, thus causing Indian casualties.
Looks like the idiot journalist has not learnt anything since then. I join a number of bloggers pleading her to shut the f⋅⋅⋅ up.
Update: In fact, I am willing to believe that Hemant Karkare died because these channels showed him prepare (wear helmet, wear bullet-proof vest.) in excruciating detail live on television. And they in turn targeted him where he was unprotected. The brave officer succumbed to bullets in the neck.
Update 2 [28.Nov.2300hrs]: Better sense appears to have prevailed in the latter half of today—either willfully, or by Government coercion2, and Live broadcasts are now being limited to non-action zones. Telecast of action troops and strategy is now not being aired live. Thank goodness for that.
Oh, they have a lame excuse pronouncing that the television connections in the hotel has been cut, and therefore it is okay to broadcast. Like hell!
I’m thinking coercion, since Government has just denied renewing CNN’s rights to air video today; must’ve have surely worked as a rude warning to the Indian domestic channels.”
Now that the document is out Barkha might get angry. She might conduct a special ‘WE THE PEOPLE’ to discuss how I should be punished.
But I will be watching Sonam Kapoor hosting ‘WE THE PIGEONS’.
My heart is filled with joy. Well it’s actually filled with blood but if I were to designate the heart as an organ within the human body that were to denote the feeling of love and unbound happiness then I would consequently say that joy is the overwhelming emotion that fills my heart (even though in reality my heart is filled with blood and not joy).In fact it is not possible to fill the heart with joy unless someone were to surgically remove the heart and place the letters ‘J’,’O’ and ‘Y’ in exactly that order. Even then the heart will be filled with the name of the word that indicates joy and not the feeling of joy.
