Thursday, January 20, 2011

Circa 2011

Take a look around….

What you see is a sight privileged to a chosen few.

Amidst the enormous deluge of humanity, only the truly blessed are right here at this very moment viewing the most sought after embellishment of literary excellence. Encased in HTML, coded with words simply beyond the very comprehension of the English language, the human mind and eternity itself, embedded with astonishing pictures that simply rattle the soul into a state of nirvana...

An Ode to Greatness.  An Object of Venerated Grace. A holy scripture chronicling the adventures of the most humble person to have ever graced this planet --- ME

Ladies, Gentlemen, Children of all ages, Animals, Aliens and beings of every other known and unknown dimension:

Welcome to the brand new revamped Secret Journal of Rakesh Jhunjhunwala©™

It is indeed the occurrence of prime beauty. A Joy to behold unto the human senses. Indescribable art much like the Mona Lisa or Michelangelo’s David or the batting of one Sachin Tendulkar.

For ages humanity has sought a sight such as this, like the parched baked desert ground craves for water praying for the juice of the rain cloud to hydrate, nourish and pure delight in the spectacular aura of the Almighty’s creation.

This is exactly that except that it’s available on the internet.

Words fail me when I try to describe the enormous changes my blog has undergone. It was born an infant clambering to my GREATNESS. Through my GREATNESS it grew into a thing of GREATNESS just like the GREATNESS that I delivered unto it from the stores of never ending GREATNESS within me. With the GREATNESS it became greater and greater till it reached a point it could no longer bear my GREATNESS.

It was at this time that my GREATNESS sympathized with it and made it greater and stronger. An enhanced beacon of my GREATNESS it has now become, shining in the GREATNESS that my great self creates and beholds enabling it to propagate the very GREATNESS that helped it become so great itself.

Truly Great……Right

Therefore, Welcome back to The Secret Journal or as the French Call it 'Le Secret De Le Journale de Rakesh Jhunjhunwala'

As you can see (Unless You Are Having Problems With Your Eyesight In Which Case You Would Require A Registered Ophthalmologist To Inspect Your Eyes And Recommend Eye Drops Or Surgery Or Both) the GREATNESS that reflects off your eyes consists of a new look wrapped up in a new blog template, enhanced with a new revolutionary sidebar.

In fact I am so pleased with this result that I hereby declare that I deserve an award for creating this excellent work of art.

Therefore I am awarding myself the most coveted award for excellence in the cosmos--The Rakesh Jhunjhunwala Award For Excellence In Excellence:

As the winner of The Rakesh Jhunjhunwala Award Winner for Excellence in the Field of Excellence it is my duty to ask other people too what they think about the new look of the blog. So let me conduct a quick feedback session from everyday people:

Q: What Do You Think Of The New Look For The Secret Journal Of Rakesh Jhunjhunwala?

Gautam Ghosh, Bearer of the World’s Greatest Goatee, HR Expert: FU*K you man!! “I hate The Secret Journal of Rocky J you understand you bloody ##$*! @!####!#!#!#$%$^^; My FUC*IN Nokia X6 just died. Last thing I want to do now is to see if Rakesh changed his bloody suck-ass template or not!!

I love you NOKIA X6.Why did you die?! Sob*Sob*Sob”

Q: What Do You Think Of The New Look For The Secret Journal Of Rakesh Jhunjhunwala?

Digvijay Singh, Eater of Dabur Chywanaprash, Phone Call Getter: “Eh! This blog must be banned. This new template is highly offensive to both Hindus and Muslims. It will create communal tension. It is highly explosive to the secular fabric of India. I request the government to declare curfew on this blog and immediately ban this at once! I have phone records to prove that this blog is capable of creating communal tension.”

Q: What Do You Think Of The New Look For The Secret Journal Of Rakesh Jhunjhunwala?

Sharmila Kumari, Winner of Miss Jodhpur Beauty Pageant 2010-11, Collector of Banana Peels: “If this blog is new and improved why it is not written anywhere that ‘this blog now has 33% extra free’? Whenever I buy something new and improved I only buy those things on which it is written by the manufacturer that 33% is extra and that the same 33% is also free. So how can I believe that this blog is new and improved if it does not bear the ‘33% extra free’ label?”

Q: What Do You Think Of The New Look For The Secret Journal Of Rakesh Jhunjhunwala?

Abhishek Bachchan, Idea Getter, Loreal 5 in 1 Lover: “I hope this blog’s new look is able to match the high visual standards set by my film Raavan. I am currently viewing this site on my mobile and till now I have only realized it is mobile compatible. 

You see I am constantly disturbed by telemarketers from Idea Telecom asking if I have idea and telling me to get idea if I have no idea. Stupid hacks don’t even realize that I have more idea(s) than anyone because I am their fu*kin brand ambassador assholes! Stop phoning me you dicks!!!!”

Q: What Do You Think Of The New Look For The Secret Journal Of Rakesh Jhunjhunwala?

Lalit Bhanot, F1 Racer Aspirant, Owner of World’s Greatest Phenyl Factory: “The blog is NOT the correct standard…in the up or the down it is the NOT CLEAN. Especially in the below the bottomside there is black thing with extra something .If you go to the bottomest-est-est part of the blog there is lot of hidden things. This blog is the NOT CLEAN….”

Q: What Do You Think Of The New Look For The Secret Journal Of Rakesh Jhunjhunwala?

Rakhi Sawant, Woman With Big……Hands, Item Girl: “O My Gawdz! Jeejuz! This blog also has done plastic surgery like me! Mediaz ko bulaao! Some things have gotten bigger and some things have gotten smaller! Why has Rakesh Sir enhanced his media section like I have enhanced my …urm…. Enhancements? Jeejuz!”

Q: What Do You Think Of The New Look For The Secret Journal Of Rakesh Jhunjhunwala?

Anupama Chopra, Film Critic(izer), Idli Junkie : “The special effects are hazy. The production value is almost zero .The dustbin in my house is better looking than the revamped Secret Journal of Rakesh Jhunjhunwala. There is no specialist acting, art direction is horrible and I find a bowl of vomit more pleasurable than the ‘so called new look’ of The Secret Journal. 

The only positive thing about this is that the Secret Journal of Rakesh Jhunjhunwala has now managed to get its own Facebook Page. Of course while people have the option to press the ‘Like’ button on Facebook,I would personally  request Facebook to add a ‘HATE’ button as well simply so that I can press it and register my protest against this highly monumental waste of time and energy.”

Q: What Do You Think Of The New Look For The Secret Journal Of Rakesh Jhunjhunwala?

Paul Vikram Sebastian, LIC Insurance Agent, Aspiring Reality Show Contestant: “ I have been reading this blog from the past 3 years and I can tell you that it has single handedly FUC*ED my brain up so bad that these days I am capable of getting a certified ‘insane’ certificate from every leading mental asylum in the country. 

It is due to this bloody blog that I find people like Deve Gowda, RR Patil (PATIL 3:16), Bulldog Face Chhagan Bhujbal, The Reddy Brothers, Madhu Koda, Mayawati, Mamata Banerjee and many more loose characters as the most inspirational figures in my life and what’s worse is that all these people have made a permanent residence in the sidebar of the Secret Journal thanks to the new look. I might as well shoot myself in the head now.

Dimaag Kharab Karke Rakh Diya Saala Haraam Khor ##@@*&##;%!^*#$#@%^”

Q: What Do You Think Of The New Look For The Secret Journal Of Rakesh Jhunjhunwala?

Shweta Tiwari, Bigg Boss Winner, Bath Haver : “The new look of this blog is worse than how Dolly Bindra looks if you snatch food from her plate when she eats. Enough said.   ”

After hearing all these comments I can only conclude that all these people undoubtedly like my blog and it’s New Look.

But there will still be some people who will ask questions about it. I shall however reply to them by quoting these 2 sentences :-

1.]‘Mein Qutab Minar Pe Ghar Banwaoon’
2.]‘Mein Beech Sadak Pe Bistar Laga Wadu’

You didn’t understand?

Look at this song from the film 'Gambler'.Devang Patel’s song and Govinda’s dance shall explain it better.

Main Chahe Ye Karoon,Mein Chahe Woh Karoon


Blog is like this only. Please don’t mind! Afterall I am the Rakesh Jhunjhunwala Award Winner For Excellence In Excellence.

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