Monday, June 27, 2011

The Jhunjhunwala Times: Telebrands To Sue Telemall Over Rights To Nazar Kawach


Stee One Seagull
Jhunjhunwala News Network 
27th June 2011

Following in the footsteps of popular suer Arindam Chaudhuri who sued Google last week, five star rated international  multinational globally local Homeshopping company Telebrands© has decided to sue competitor Telemall© for selling what it alleges to be  "Direct and Blatant Copying" of Telebrands’ Nazar Raksha Kawach.

Telebrands which filed the case earlier today in the Ghaziabad District Civil Court has accused Telemall on multiple charges of Copyright Infringement, Trademark Violation, Plagiarism, Wrongful Licensing and Concept Violation in selling the Nazar Kawach. The Kawach is sold by Telemall through its wholly owned subsidiary Shraddha Sky Shop.

The Nazar Kawach which was voted as Product of the Year at the recently concluded World Homeshopping Expo in Las Vegas has been a source of controversy ever since it was introduced first by Telebrands in September last year and by Telemall barely a week later.

Both companies have since claimed that they invented the Kawach which is used primarily as an evil-eye repellant or as the product name suggests, protects the wearer from Boori Nazar.

In the case filing, Telebrands have indicated that Telemall have copied the Telebrands 'Nazar RAKSHA Kawach' and are selling an identical product as 'Nazar SURAKSHA Kawach'

Speaking for Telebrands, its Chief Legal Officer Mr.Mukund Rajvanshi said "It's ridiculous that Telemall have copied our Nazar Raksha Kawach and are selling it so shamelessly. We invented the Raksha Kawach because of which many people have benefitted. Take the case of Rohit from Haryana, he earlier had no hands, no job, no money, no wife and looked like a disfigured constipated Pig but after he used Telebrands Nazar Raksha Kawach his life changed! Now he looks like Brad Pitt, has a steady job and lots of cash. Oh! Nazar Raksha Kawach also helped him grow his hands back. Now whenever he feels like scratching he can do it easily because he has hands."

Responding to the allegations, Telemall CEO Ms.Mayawati Swaraj said ALL ALLEGATIONS ARE BASELESS AND POLITICALLY MOTIVATED. Its ridiculous that Telebrands are suing us. We should be the ones suing them because the Nazar Kawach is our idea! We filed the patent for it first but because they have more resources they developed it first. In any case our Nazar Kawach is definitely better than theirs because our Kawach uses GOOD VIBRATION SYSTEM which is more effective than their MAGNETIC PROTECTION POWER

"Our Kawach which is called Nazar Suraksha Kawach provides SURAKSHA but their Nazar Raksha Kawach provides only RAKSHA. Now you tell me which is better Raksha or Suraksha? They are just scared of customers buying our product over theirs because ours is better"

The media may have termed this as 'The Battle of the Kawachs' but another battle may be brewing on political lines. While the Congress Party has been a longtime supporter of Telebrands, the BJP has been an equally staunch supporter of Telemall. As one political commentator described it "This could well turn out to be a pitched battle leading to votebank politics as it will be projected as a battle between a Secular Kawach and a Communal Kawach"

Will the real Nazar Kawach please stand up?

Monday, June 20, 2011

8 Meaningless Bullshit Political Phrases Which Will Make You Look Smart On TV

My Bullish personality was something I was born with. The talent has run rampant on the Markets for the past 2 and a half decades spreading like a blazing inferno devouring a forest doused in the most combustible Petrol truly leading me to be the GOD of the Markets.

However, all this talent was never taken for granted .I sharpened it each second like a knife sharpener slowly and surely grinding the steel of the blade on the leather strop till it became so sharp it would easily slice through anything like a hot knife through butter and I continue to do the same even now.

It's called GENIUS.

But in order to see that which others cannot one must develop the skills needed. For a Bull in the market it's necessary to cut through the BULLSHIT.

The real meaning of what is being said must be inferred. Of course in the realm of politics as in finance the distinction between that which is said and that which the spoken word actually intends to say must be understood.

Take the case of all the political dudes on TV. All yapping their mouths off .What they say is specifically designed to let you from knowing the actuality of the things you ask them.

Take a look at these 8 phrases:
The matter has been quoted out of context"

What this Bullshit means: Implies there is some unknown context here magically floating around in the atmosphere which only the immense intelligence of the speaker can grasp. Every other layman is a presumed dumbass because he or she has no goddamn clue about the context and how to quote facts and sentences within it. Inevitably leads to the effect that the subject never said anything moronic in the first place and the mistake is entirely the listener's for not being able to perceive the said 'context' properly.

" All allegations are baseless and politically motivated"

What this Bullshit means:Used whenever anyone makes a charge against anyone over anything .

Someone accuses you or someone in your party of bribe, murder, rape, stealing, treason, heck - you're at home and your wife says you didn't lower the toilet seat,blare your lungs out and utter the magic phrase "All allegations are baseless and politically motivated"

"We have left the decision to the party high command"

What this Bullshit means: Said when one is asked about a matter requiring an immediate solution. An expert way of not saying "No one in the Party has the balls to take a decision and are too scared to face the consequences of their action if they ever took it" . Hence this sentence fools the listener into thinking the matter at hand is extremely complex requiring the Combined efforts of the party 'High Command' simultaneously conning one into thinking the speaker is a dutiful slave of the party who will follow whatever orders are passed down unto him/ her.

" We will take appropriate action when the time comes"

What this Bullshit means: The question which resulted in this response would have suggested that something must have happened which would require almost immediate action.

This arrangement of words is designed to fool the listener or reader into thinking that no matter how grave the situation, it is not grave enough yet for something to be done by the authority thereby instilling an understanding that an arrangement is in place to deal with the situation but it will not be used till the aforementioned "appropriate " time occurs.

Of course no one will tell you what the appropriate time is but you will continue to be led on to believe that there is one nonetheless .

"It is unfair on your part to say we have done nothing on our part"

What this Bullshit means: A follow up to " We will take appropriate action when the time comes"

This indicates that whatever required doing has been done or is being done. It is your fault and you are a gangrene infested bastard for not noticing that something has been done.

The genius of this response lies in the fact that if you ask what indeed has been done then you stand accused of being an idiot who is unaware hence proving that "your part" is definitely being unfair in not knowing what has been done by "our part"

" We strongly condemn this attack"

What this Bullshit means: Self explanatory genius Indian patented response to both a domestic and a global crisis. Implies a deep sense of empathy and concern but makes no declaration of responsibility owned before the attack and owed after the attack.


2006 Mumbai train blasts

Bomb blasts in Lucknow,Bangalore ,Varanasi,
Hyderabad ,Pune, Etc,etc

Naxal attacks in Chhattisgarh,Orissa ,Jharkhand, Andhra Pradesh

Terrorism in Kashmir

 And of course
26/11 Mumbai attacks

Unrest in Egypt

 Problems in Syria

Conflict in Afghanistan

Terror in Pakistan

Somali Pirates

" We strongly condemn this attack"

" The matter requires due diligence. We are considering our options"

What This Bullshit means:A super clusterfu*kish statement  supposed to imply a variety of possible solutions being discussed by the establishment and the general sense that the best possible one will be enacted after careful consideration. The reality however is that the guys  have no clue on how to solve the problem because if they did they'd have already done something by now so they'll say things like "diligence" and "consideration" so that you can continue to think they're on the job and not a bunch of headless chickens prancing around .

" I cannot comment on this issue"

What this Bullshit means: This classic is so legendary that its premise on issues happening and the lack of comments being offered would only lead to the one who expected the comment to bang his or her head against the wall and die of a fractured skull.

Therefore I too will offer no comment as I cannot comment on this issue.

Now Enjoy My Recent Blockbuster Chart Topping,Mind Boggling,Super Sexy Smash Appearance On ET NOW!

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